Nothing strikes fear into a man more than the whiff of a pre-menstrual rampage. Play it right and soon you’ll believe that P.M.S really stands for Presents, Massages and Shopping. So, obviously, when you’re in the mood for a bit of extra special care, PMS can be conveniently arranged to happen at any time you choose.
Little things will trigger him to it’s onset. A well-timed shrug and a downcast gaze is sometimes enough of a signal. Early in a relationship he might think you’re in a bad mood for no particular reason. And you might be. But there’s no reason he needs to know that
A period is a get out of jail free card. They've been used successfully as a defence in court for shoplifting, assault, drink-driving and yes, even murder. If PMS helped one woman get away with murder, at the very least it will help you crack the whip on an inattentive or slovenly man.
Men grow up learning to both respect and fear PMS. He might remember his mom snarling through grinding, crushing teeth as she locked him out of the house all day. Perhaps his sister glared a smidgen too intently for comfort at his choice of bedroom music one afternoon while holding a pair of haberdashery scissors with white knuckles. He might have learned to soothe himself with a whispered mantra that he simply has to stay strong, catch a bit of luck, and it will all be over in a few days. That those complaints about the TV always being too bright and why isn’t he man enough to fix it will gradually fade away.
Remind him that a powder keg simmers nearby, ready to detonate in a cannon flash toward any minor indiscretion he might commit. Or perhaps inflame at any outrageous failure to correctly read your mind. An attentive boyfriend will learn the timings of these circumstances and in time will learn that pre-emptive salvoes of flowers, chocolate, footrubs, jewellery and shopping sprees are the most effective salve.
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